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Oregon Capitol Swaps Gold Man for Dad Bod Guy Holding a Vape to Better Represent the Future

Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a historic and absolutely necessary move, Oregon officials have replaced the iconic Gold Man statue atop...

Fyre Festival 2 Promises to Strand Attendees Before They Even Arrive

Share This ArticleFyre Festival 2 is officially happening, and organizers are promising the most authentic festival experience yet—so authentic, in fact, that attendees should expect...

‘I’m Good for One More’: 37-Year-Old Dad of Two Boldly Orders Another Round at 10:15 PM

Share This Article“I’m good for one more,” said 37-year-old dad of two, Brad Simmons, at precisely 10:15 PM, stunning his coworkers into...

Oregon Braces for a Full Week of Raining Cats and Dogs – Local Shelters at Capacity

Share This ArticleOregon residents are in for a ruff week as meteorologists confirm that, yes, it will indeed be raining cats and...

Man Who Identifies as Turtle Requests Residency at Oregon Zoo, Cites ‘Natural Habitat’

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Local man Brian “Snappy” Thompson has officially petitioned the Oregon Zoo to recognize his true identity as...

Fast Food Worker Accidentally Gives Customer Every Sauce He Requested

Share This ArticleA local man is struggling to comprehend reality after an unthinkable event at a fast food drive-thru last night. Jacob...

Springfield to Get Two More Car Washes, Leaving Local Residents Absolutely Speechless with Joy

Share This ArticleSPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new...

Oregon to Replace Stop Signs with ‘Gentle Suggestions’ to Avoid ‘Harmful Command Language’

Share This Article‘Telling Cars When to Stop Is a Form of Road Privilege’ Oregon has officially banned stop signs in an effort...

Trump Suggests Adding His Face to Mount Rushmore, Proposes ‘Executive Order’ to Expedite

Share This ArticleIn a move that shocked absolutely no one, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested—and seemingly succeeded in—adding his face to...

Local Woman Proudly Shows Off ‘Check Engine’ Light That Has Been On Since 2018

Share This ArticleLocal woman Jessica Reynolds is beaming with pride after successfully keeping her car’s “Check Engine” light on for an impressive...

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