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SALEM, OR — In a shocking but somehow completely predictable Thanksgiving Day update, state transportation officials confirmed Thursday that roughly 50% of all traffic congestion on Interstate 5 can be traced back to a single silver Toyota Prius traveling at a spiritually centered 41 miles per hour in a 55 zone.
The vehicle, described by witnesses as “moving like it’s being powered by hope and a AA battery,” was first spotted near Wilsonville before slowly drifting southbound, leaving a 14-mile trail of brake lights, frustrated drivers, and at least one Subaru Outback crying in disbelief.
“We’ve identified the driver as a 67-year-old Portland man who believes speed
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