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CDC Warns Zombie Outbreak Probably Unlikely, But Also Definitely Starting in Portland’s Amtrak Station

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers...

Oregon Passes New Gun Law Limiting Citizens to Only Single-Shot Muskets

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds,...

Oregon Hikers Report Being Stopped by Wandering Wizard Demanding Their Marijuana Gummies

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Share This ArticleSILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week...

Hikers Now Smashing Their Own Car Windows to Embrace That Authentic Northwest Outdoor Vibe

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Share This ArticleIn a growing trend that many are calling “unhinged but deeply on-brand,” hikers throughout the Pacific Northwest have started voluntarily...

Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

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Share This ArticleOREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known...

Privileged Locals Cheer as “No Poors Allowed” Sign Installed at Lake in Lake Oswego

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Share This ArticleIt’s just common sense,” says homeowner who paid $6.2 million to avoid eye contact. LAKE OSWEGO, OR — Wealthy residents...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in...

Crater Lake Monster Emerges Again, Blames TikTok Hikers for Eating Entire Boat Tour

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Share This ArticleCRATER LAKE, OR — In a shocking but increasingly routine display of aquatic fury, the legendary Crater Lake Monster emerged...

Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon

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Share This ArticleORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the...

Oregon DMV Orders Tesla Owners to Take Class: “Why Your Car Is Wrong And You Should Feel Bad”

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In response to the growing public disdain for Elon Musk and the unfortunate social consequences of driving...
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