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Trump Proposes New Holidays: ‘We’re the Best Day’ and ‘Other Countries Are Losers Day’

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Share This ArticlePALM BEACH, FL — In a late-night post on Truth Social sandwiched between rants about wind turbines and the deep...

Portland Protesters Demand More Things to Protest

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a surprising show of unity, hundreds of Portland protesters gathered downtown Tuesday not to decry a...

New Oregon Zip Line Debuts With Thrilling New Twist: Direct Collision With Tree

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Share This ArticleBEND, OR — In what Deschutes County officials are calling “an immersive forest engagement experience,” a new zip line attraction...

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

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Share This ArticleTUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for...

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It “Too Soon”

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Share This ArticleTROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down Main...

Doctors Confirm You’re Technically Still Alive, Just Tired Forever After Age 36

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Share This ArticleATLANTA, GA — In a groundbreaking new report released Friday, doctors from the National Institute of Realistic Health confirmed that...

Local Meth Cook Gives Back by Providing Free ‘Science Lessons’ to Youth

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — In an inspiring display of community spirit, local meth entrepreneur Travis "Sparky" Jenkins has announced a new...

Joe Biden Spotted Casually Driving Ice Cream Truck Through Downtown Portland

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In what city officials have described as "just another Tuesday," former President Joe Biden was spotted casually...

Weirdo Boldly Reads Newspaper in Public Instead of Mindlessly Doomscrolling Like the Rest of Us

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a bizarre scene that left passersby unsettled, a local weirdo was spotted yesterday morning sitting alone...

Oregon Coast Aquarium to Launch Bold New “Swim With Sharks” Experience This Summer

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Share This ArticleNEWPORT, OR — In a bold move that experts are calling "a thrilling way to thin the tourist herd," the...
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