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Oregon Coast Aquarium to Launch Bold New “Swim With Sharks” Experience This Summer

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Share This ArticleNEWPORT, OR — In a bold move that experts are calling "a thrilling way to thin the tourist herd," the...

Sad: Loser Photographer Just Needs to Give it Up, Because Let’s Be Honest His Work is Trash

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Share This ArticleRoseburg, OR — In a heartbreaking but entirely predictable development, local Roseburg man Tyler McMannis reportedly spent yet another weekend...

Oregon Named Best State To Raise A Little Free-Range Anarchist With A Trust Fund

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In news that surprised absolutely no one and disappointed absolutely everyone’s grandparents, Oregon has officially been named...

Prineville Proudly Becomes First Sanctuary City for Straight White Men

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Share This ArticlePRINEVILLE, OR — In a historic move celebrated by men who still know how to change a tire, Prineville has officially declared itself...

80s Babies Rejoice As ‘From A Hose’ Bottled Water Finally Hits Store Shelves

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Share This ArticleU.S. — In a move hailed as “the greatest beverage innovation since Tang,” Crystal Stream announced today the release of...

Parents Announce Baby Was Born Seed Oil-Free, Plan to Raise Him on Rainwater and Beef Tallow

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In what health experts are calling "a medical miracle and/or a Facebook group fever dream," new parents...

New Study Finds 100% of Deer Crossing Roads Really Could Give a Crap Less

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Share This ArticleUNITED STATES — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what drivers have long suspected: when it comes to crossing roads,...

Oregon Reassures Residents After Cyberattack: ‘Don’t Worry, Your Data’s Probably Fine, Maybe, Who Knows.’

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — After hackers dumped 1.3 million files from the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality onto the dark web,...

Sources Confirm Neighborhood Child Might Even Go Outside This Weekend

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Share This ArticleU.S. — In a development no one saw coming, sources have confirmed that 12-year-old neighborhood resident Brandon Lunsford might actually...

America Faces Crisis: No More Drunk 2AM Taco Runs as Jack in the Box Shutters Nationwide

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Share This ArticleU.S. — In a move described by many as a "direct attack on poor decision-making," Jack in the Box has...
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