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In a groundbreaking revelation sure to devastate campers nationwide, researchers at the Institute of Outdoors Nuisance Studies confirmed Thursday that 100% of campfire smoke exists solely to stalk whichever poor bastard thought he was safe sitting by the fire.
The peer-reviewed study, published in the prestigious Journal of Unnecessary Suffering, found that smoke particles form an almost sentient coalition to ensure maximum eye-watering, coughing, and “Jesus Christ, why me?” outbursts.
“No matter how often the victim scoots their lawn chair, rotates 45 degrees, or even flees across the campsite, smoke will immediately reroute like a vindictive GPS system,” lead researcher Dr. Janice Forrester said. “The other eight
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