Portland - Page 65

Uh Oh: Eugene Man Shocked to Learn Constitution Still Has That Gun Thing In It

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — Local part-time kombucha brewer Jasper Willow-Breeze experienced what experts are calling "acute textual trauma" this week...

This Isn’t Satire: Eugene Man Arrested After Threats With Gun-Shaped Bong in Grocery Store Parking Lot

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Share This ArticleYou’d be forgiven for thinking this was another one of our ridiculous headlines—because “man with rifle-shaped bong triggers full...

Portland Solves Downtown Drug Crisis Instantly With Bold New ‘Drug-Free Zone’ Signs

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a stunning turn of events, downtown Portland’s decades-long struggle with open-air drug use has officially...

Trump Proposes New Holidays: ‘We’re the Best Day’ and ‘Other Countries Are Losers Day’

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Share This ArticlePALM BEACH, FL — In a late-night post on Truth Social sandwiched between rants about wind turbines and the...

Portland Protesters Demand More Things to Protest

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a surprising show of unity, hundreds of Portland protesters gathered downtown Tuesday not to decry...

New Oregon Zip Line Debuts With Thrilling New Twist: Direct Collision With Tree

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Share This ArticleBEND, OR — In what Deschutes County officials are calling “an immersive forest engagement experience,” a new zip line...

Portland’s Filipino Restaurants Are Fundraising for the Lapu Lapu Car Attack Victims

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On Saturday, April 26, a car plowed through the Lapu Lapu festival in Vancouver, Canada, a celebration of Filipino culture and heritage. Eleven people...

Woman Asks If Jeans Make Her Look Fat, Already Decided They Do

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Share This ArticleTUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend...

Pale Little Oregon Man Spotted in Tank Top; Witnesses in Troutdale Call It “Too Soon”

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Share This ArticleTROUTDALE, OR — In a shocking display of seasonal overconfidence, local man Darren Melby was reportedly seen walking down...
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