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Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

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Share This ArticleOREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known...

Privileged Locals Cheer as “No Poors Allowed” Sign Installed at Lake in Lake Oswego

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Share This ArticleIt’s just common sense,” says homeowner who paid $6.2 million to avoid eye contact. LAKE OSWEGO, OR — Wealthy residents...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in...

Crater Lake Monster Emerges Again, Blames TikTok Hikers for Eating Entire Boat Tour

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Share This ArticleCRATER LAKE, OR — In a shocking but increasingly routine display of aquatic fury, the legendary Crater Lake Monster emerged...

Finally, a Summer Theme Park Where No Kids Poop in the Lazy River and a 100% Chance of Blacking Out By Noon

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Share This ArticleORLANDO, FL — A groundbreaking new theme park is making headlines for its two revolutionary promises: no children in the...

Oregon DMV Orders Tesla Owners to Take Class: “Why Your Car Is Wrong And You Should Feel Bad”

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In response to the growing public disdain for Elon Musk and the unfortunate social consequences of driving...

Eugene Man Sets Record For Longest Dreadlock in The World

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — In a shocking display of follicular fortitude, Eugene resident River Moonstone has shattered all known records —...

Man’s Dignity Evaporates As Clerk Silently Points to Sign Reading ‘Porta Potty Outside’

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Share This ArticleNEEDLES, CA — Oregon native Daniel Price thought he was making a quick pit stop for gas and a restroom...

State Officials Quietly Swap Haystack Rock for Gold Man, Salem Left With a Sad, Bare Dome

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Share This ArticleIn a baffling but somehow deeply Oregonian development, state officials have confirmed that the recently vacated site of Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach...

“This Protest Sure Is Neato,” Says Man Who Hasn’t Moved More Than 6 Feet Since Clocking Out, While His Meatloaf Waits at Home

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless...
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