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Archaeologists Unearth Mysterious Metal Artifact in Oregon, May Date Back to Late 1970s

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Share This ArticleFORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

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Share This ArticleBEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend...

Easter Bunny Quits Lloyd Center Gig After Getting Jumped by Toddler With Brass Knuckles

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal...

CDC Warns Zombie Outbreak Probably Unlikely, But Also Definitely Starting in Portland’s Amtrak Station

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers...

Oregon Passes New Gun Law Limiting Citizens to Only Single-Shot Muskets

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds,...

Oregon Hikers Report Being Stopped by Wandering Wizard Demanding Their Marijuana Gummies

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Share This ArticleSILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week...

Hikers Now Smashing Their Own Car Windows to Embrace That Authentic Northwest Outdoor Vibe

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Share This ArticleIn a growing trend that many are calling “unhinged but deeply on-brand,” hikers throughout the Pacific Northwest have started voluntarily...

Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

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Share This ArticleOREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known...

Privileged Locals Cheer as “No Poors Allowed” Sign Installed at Lake in Lake Oswego

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Share This ArticleIt’s just common sense,” says homeowner who paid $6.2 million to avoid eye contact. LAKE OSWEGO, OR — Wealthy residents...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in...
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