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Archaeologists Unearth Mysterious Metal Artifact in Oregon, May Date Back to Late 1970s

Share This ArticleFORT ROCK, OR — Archaeologists working near the site of Oregon’s famed ancient sandals have stumbled upon a curious metallic...

40-Year-Old Hiker Eager to Rediscover That One Weird Knee Pain Again This Weekend

Share This ArticleBEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend...

Easter Bunny Quits Lloyd Center Gig After Getting Jumped by Toddler With Brass Knuckles

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal...

CDC Warns Zombie Outbreak Probably Unlikely, But Also Definitely Starting in Portland’s Amtrak Station

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers...

Oregon Passes New Gun Law Limiting Citizens to Only Single-Shot Muskets

Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds,...

Oregon Hikers Report Being Stopped by Wandering Wizard Demanding Their Marijuana Gummies

Share This ArticleSILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week...

Hikers Now Smashing Their Own Car Windows to Embrace That Authentic Northwest Outdoor Vibe

Share This ArticleIn a growing trend that many are calling “unhinged but deeply on-brand,” hikers throughout the Pacific Northwest have started voluntarily...

Portland Man Emerges from Wet Cave After 93 Days, Hisses at Sunlight

Share This ArticleOREGON COAST — In a scene described by witnesses as “like Gollum but with better accessories,” a Portland man known...

Privileged Locals Cheer as “No Poors Allowed” Sign Installed at Lake in Lake Oswego

Share This ArticleIt’s just common sense,” says homeowner who paid $6.2 million to avoid eye contact. LAKE OSWEGO, OR — Wealthy residents...

Report: Oregon Inches Closer To California In Prestigious ‘Most Expensive State To Be Broke’ List

Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in...

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