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BENTONVILLE, AR — In a somber press conference held just steps from the seasonal bin of half-melted phone chargers, Walmart executives issued a stark warning Monday: rising tariffs on Chinese imports may severely disrupt the company’s ability to stock products precisely engineered to break one minute after their 1-year warranty expires.
“For decades, our customers have trusted us to deliver air fryers, vacuum cleaners, and children’s tablets that work beautifully until exactly one calendar year has passed,” said Walmart’s Vice President of Planned Disposability, Craig Flexler. “But with these new tariffs, our supply of precision-failure goods is at serious risk.”
According to insiders, Walmart’s top-selling product categories—such
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