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BEDMINSTER, NJ — In a bold move to “bring back law, order, and Geoffrey the Giraffe,” former President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he will personally oversee the reopening of defunct toy store chain Toys “R” Us — this time as a maximum security prison exclusively for unruly children.
“This isn’t just any prison, folks. It’s the best prison. Incredible prison. Some say the most fun you can have in solitary confinement,” Trump declared at a press event flanked by a visibly concerned animatronic Tickle Me Elmo in a flak vest.
The facility, dubbed “Toys R Us Penitentiary for the Misguided Youth (TRUPMY)”, will reportedly feature padded
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