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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vowing to “finish what he started back when Herbert Hoover was in short pants,” Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley announced Thursday that he will seek a 13th term in 2064 at the age of 108, confidently declaring his intention to outlive every remaining member of the Republican Party.
“Let them scream about term limits—I’ve been in this fight since before half their ancestors climbed out of the primordial soup,” Merkley said, adjusting his campaign-branded exoskeleton. “I’ve outlasted Goldwater, Reagan, and even that strange orange one whose name I can’t recall. And by the time 2064 rolls around, I’ll still be here, holding town halls in
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