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WASHINGTON, D.C. — As grocery prices soar, infrastructure crumbles, artificial intelligence begins writing its own manifestos, and World War 3 quietly warms up in the background, officials are reassuring Americans there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.
“Relax, babe—we’ve totally got this,” said a White House spokesperson while nervously smoothing out their tie. “Sure, the economy is a little shaky, international tensions are rising, and, okay, maybe we’re funding three different proxy wars at the same time… but that’s all part of the plan. Everything is completely under control.”
When pressed about the rapid rise of artificial intelligence systems and their eerie resemblance to Skynet from Terminator 2,
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