Portland Man Placed On Watchlist After Failing To Protest Anything This Week

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PORTLAND, Ore. — In what officials are calling a deeply troubling development, a 34 year old Portland resident has been placed on a community watchlist after failing to attend, organize, or aggressively livestream a single protest this week.

According to neighbors, the man was seen Saturday morning drinking locally roasted coffee on his porch without holding a sign, chanting, or condemning capitalism in any visible way.

“It started Monday,” said one concerned block captain, who asked to remain anonymous but was wearing three protest pins and a ‘Smash Something’ hoodie. “There was a rally against late stage brunch pricing downtown. He didn’t show. Then on Tuesday we

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