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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local cyclists have announced plans for a massive parade this Saturday titled “We’re Better Than You” as a way to raise awareness for their superior lifestyle choices.
The event, organized by the Portland Coalition of Pedal Supremacy, will feature hundreds of cyclists riding through the city at exactly 6 miles per hour in tightly packed rows to “gently remind motorists and pedestrians alike that they are part of the problem.”
“Cars are murder machines, walking is inefficient, and public transit is for people who haven’t maxed out their REI credit cards yet,” said event organizer Skylar Moonbeam while sipping a fair-trade oat milk latte.
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