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SALEM, OR — In a heartfelt press release delivered with the emotional depth of a dropped toaster, Pacific Power announced its latest rate increase this week, citing “deep empathy” for the financial hardship many Oregonians are facing.
“We know times are tough,” said company spokesperson Riley Kilowatt, adjusting his Patagonia fleece in an air-conditioned boardroom. “That’s why we’re proud to announce a significant rate hike—because when our customers suffer, we want to make sure we’re right there suffering profitably alongside them.”
The company said the increase, which will help cover the cost of executive bonuses, wildfire lawsuits, and possibly upgrading a single utility pole in Burns, is
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