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WILLAMETTE VALLEY, OR — City officials issued a blunt but widely appreciated advisory Wednesday morning urging residents to remain indoors after a night of relentless rain, howling wind, and power outages that left much of the valley waking up cold, exhausted, and deeply annoyed.
“Look, we ran the numbers,” said a city spokesperson, standing in front of a backdrop of gray nothingness. “There’s no upside to going outside right now. It’s miserable. It’s stupid. And frankly, it feels personal.”
The advisory follows last night’s windstorm, which rattled windows, knocked out power across multiple neighborhoods, and ensured that thousands of residents woke up at 3:17 a.m. convinced a
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