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EVERYWHERE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST — As summer inches closer and the scent of dry pine needles crisps in the warming breeze, Northwesterners from Bellingham to Bend are reportedly giddy with anticipation for that magical first lungful of campfire-flavored doom.
“Oh yeah, you can feel it coming,” said Portland resident Tyler Maples while re-seasoning his reusable N95 mask and spritzing it with eucalyptus oil. “The mornings are getting warmer, the birds are coughing more, and there’s just a hint of distant devastation in the air. God, I missed it.”
Locals say it’s a cherished annual tradition, akin to pumpkin spice season or allergy attacks, where the skies turn a
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