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LOS ANGELES, CA — Gleaming like a freshly waxed Tesla and strutting with the confidence of a man who just cured drought with cucumber water, California Governor Gavin Newsom made headlines Monday after addressing statewide unrest from the steamy comfort of a rooftop hot tub.
Sporting a luxurious white robe monogrammed with “The Gov”, Newsom stepped onto the balcony of a Beverly Hills spa, paused dramatically, then dropped the robe and slid effortlessly into the bubbling waters as reporters looked on.
“With everything going on, it’s important to remain calm, centered, and visibly moisturized,” Newsom said, barely flinching as distant sirens echoed in the background. “I’ve always
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