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PORTLAND, OR — In a bold new move that critics are calling “deeply Portland” and supporters are calling “like, super healing,” city leaders have announced a sweeping initiative to phase out the word “police” entirely and replace the Portland Police Bureau with a newly branded entity: the Feelings-First Safety Network.
The plan, unanimously approved by City Council after a five-hour drum circle and consensus-building ritual, aims to “reimagine community safety through the lens of emotional resonance and restorative vibes.”
“We’re not here to enforce laws,” said newly appointed Interim Chief Empath Bob Day, formerly known as Interim Police Chief Bob Day. “We’re here to validate experiences, mediate
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