New Final Destination In Theaters, but 90s Kids Still White-Knuckling Steering Wheels Behind Logging Trucks Say “Absolutely Not”

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Bend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a very specific trauma among 90s kids: the paralyzing fear of being pulverized by airborne lumber on the freewa

“I haven’t driven behind a log truck since Final Destination 2 came out in 2003,” said 35-year-old Tyler Grant, who reportedly pulled off Highway 97 last week because a trailer full of fence posts “just didn’t feel right.” “I’m all for nostalgia, but not at the cost of white-knuckling my steering wheel for the next three months.”

Bloodlines, which blends new storylines with callbacks to the original franchise, introduces a

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