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PORTLAND, OR — Freshly mobilized National Guard troops are already filing desperate reassignment requests after their first Portland briefing included photos from the city’s notorious World Naked Bike Ride.
The “emergency ride,” hastily announced on social media by @WorldNakedBikeRidePortland in response to President Donald Trump’s decision to deploy 200 Guard members, has left soldiers rattled.
“We were expecting to see maps, tactical diagrams, maybe some intel on Molotov cocktails,” said Specialist Tyler Graham. “Instead, they dim the lights and throw up 200 slides of pale dudes on fixies, glitter-painted activists, and one guy in nothing but Crocs and a cape. I’d rather deploy to Fallujah.”
Organizers say
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