Father to Honor Wife on Mother’s Day by Taking Her to Breakfast, Then Straight to Pound Town

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EUGENE, OR — Local dad Kyle Hendershot will celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow with a heartfelt gesture that begins with waffles and ends with walls shaking.

“I just want to show my appreciation,” says Kyle, who reportedly plans to wake his wife Melissa with flowers, coffee, and “a very deliberate eyebrow raise.” After a family breakfast at the local diner, Kyle will discreetly suggest they take “the scenic route home,” which Melissa is expected to interpret as: ditch the kids at Grandma’s and brace yourself.

Sources predict that after 11 years of marriage and three kids, the couple will once again seize intimate moments like a SWAT team—fast,

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