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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sobering report released Thursday, leading political scientists confirmed that the only remaining path toward national unity would require a planet-destroying asteroid to obliterate all life on Earth.
“After analyzing decades of data, partisan divides, and over 47 million Facebook comments, we can now say with absolute certainty that the only scenario where Republicans and Democrats might stand together is in the final milliseconds before a flaming rock the size of Texas slams into the planet,” said Dr. Alan Frey, lead researcher at the Center for Political Futility. “Even then, there’s a strong chance they’d spend those milliseconds arguing about whose fault the
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