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Boring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over his laundry basket Monday afternoon, clutching a pair of severely compromised boxers he’s owned since the Bush administration.
The boxers, described by family members as “a mesh network of fabric and regret,” had reportedly suffered a catastrophic rip near the lower left quadrant during a routine lawn-mowing session. Brian, eyes glassy and distant, reportedly whispered “damn good pair” before folding them neatly and sliding them back into his top drawer—right where they’ve lived, unchallenged, for over 17 years.
“I know they’re not in peak form,” Brian admitted,
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