CDC Issues Advisory After Prolonged Exposure To Portland Causes Sudden Nose Ring

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PORTLAND, Ore. — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued an unusual public health advisory Tuesday warning that prolonged exposure to Portland may result in the sudden, unexplained development of a nose ring, even among individuals with no prior history of body piercings, activism, or spoken-word poetry.

According to the CDC, the phenomenon has been observed in residents who spend more than 72 consecutive hours within city limits, particularly in neighborhoods containing at least one kombucha tap, a defaced statue, and a protest whose original cause can no longer be clearly identified.

“We’re seeing patients arrive perfectly normal,” said Dr. Elaine Porter, a CDC epidemiologist dispatched

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