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EUGENE, OR — Despite being nearly three weeks behind on rent and actively refusing to open his banking app, local man Aaron L., 34, confirmed Tuesday that stopping by a tiny, overpriced hippie grocery store was “exactly what he needed right now.”
“I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,” said Aaron, gently placing a single glass bottle of $11 milk and a small paper bag of granola into a canvas tote that read Consume Less, Feel More. “So I decided to treat myself. You know. For my mental health.”
According to Aaron, the decision came after a long morning of ignoring emails labeled “Second Notice”
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