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Mayor Says Community Would Benefit From A Much Bigger Dick’s

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OREGON — City leaders say they’re exploring plans to bring a much bigger Dick’s to the area, a move...

Portland Gyms Eliminate Heavy Weights After City Officials Agree Masculinity Is Offensive To Several Pronouns

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, Ore. — Several Portland fitness centers announced this week they will be eliminating traditional heavy weights from their gyms entirely after city...

Oregon Official Governing Portland Region From Spain, Calls It “Occasional” Visit

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Share This ArticleAccording to reporting from The Oregonian/OregonLive, an Oregon elected official has been attending Metro Council meetings remotely for months at...

Portland Hospitals Report 38% Increase In Genderless Babies Born With Naturally Occurring Blue Hair

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Doctors across Portland say they are closely studying a surprising new trend after hospitals reported a 38%...

Eugene Protester Hospitalized After Attacking Moving SUV At 6th And Pearl

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Share This ArticleIf you ever wondered what happens when you block traffic, jump on a stranger’s vehicle, and start smashing their windshield,...

Wyden Appears Lost In Thought, Likely Recalling The Time Dysentery Almost Took Him Out In 1848

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Share This ArticleWASHINGTON—Sen. Ron Wyden appeared visibly distant during a routine budget hearing Tuesday, staring solemnly into space as if mentally revisiting...

Kyron Horman’s Name Appears In Epstein Files, But It Ultimately Leads Nowhere

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Share This ArticleWhen we first saw chatter online about Kyron Horman being “mentioned in the Epstein files,” we’ll be honest with you....

Local Gang Member Cancels Planned Robbery After Learning New Gun Law Takes Effect Monday

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a stunning triumph for modern public policy, local gang member Rico “Lil Torque” Martinez announced Sunday...

Eugene Teen Shot In The Head Is Now Awake As Police Arrest Juvenile Suspect

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Share This ArticleThe 14 year old boy who was critically injured in last week’s shooting is now awake, alert, and talking according...

Local Favorite Track Town Pizza Brings Its Legendary Pies to Thurston in Springfield

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Share This ArticleThere are certain restaurants that become part of a town’s identity. Not just places you grab dinner, but places woven into memories. Since...
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