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Elmer’s Set to Open in Former Shari’s Location in Bend

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Share This ArticleBEND, Ore. — For longtime Oregonians, the familiar glow of a Shari’s sign once meant warm pies, late-night coffee refills,...

Justice Served: Eugene Clerk Shoots Armed Thug—Now the Robber’s Headed Straight to Prison

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, Ore. – In a moment that reaffirms our faith in good people standing their ground, justice has officially been...

Camel Euthanized, Starving Lion Exposed as Oregon’s Worst Roadside Zoo Finally Gets Raided

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Share This ArticleLet’s stop sugarcoating this. The West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon, Oregon, is not a zoo — it’s a...

New Final Destination In Theaters, but 90s Kids Still White-Knuckling Steering Wheels Behind Logging Trucks Say “Absolutely Not”

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Share This ArticleBend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a very...

Dad Knows It’s Time to Let Go, Yet Folds the Boxers and Gently Returns Them to the Drawer

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Share This ArticleBoring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over...

Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

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Share This ArticleSWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife, Amanda,...

People You Regret Voting For Hold Emergency Session to Dream Up Taxes That Don’t Exist Yet but Probably Should

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Share This ArticleIn a move that perfectly embodies everything you feared after the election but told yourself to “wait and see,” the...

Bigfoot Joins Tinder, Women Ditch Their Men After Reading: ‘I Chop Wood and Disappear Like Your Dad’

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Share This ArticleHOOD RIVER, OR — In what experts are calling the most emotionally devastating swipe in Oregon history, Bigfoot has officially...

New Club “Granny Grinders” Opens in Oregon With 65+ Dancers, Bingo, and Zero Teeth Required

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Share This ArticleSpringfield, OR — Residents were once again left clutching their pearls this week after hearing rumors about yet another offbeat...

Goodwill Boutique Staff Confused Why Poor People Keep Trying to Shop There

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Share This ArticleNEWPORT, OR — Staff at the Goodwill Boutique on Cape & Donation Center are reportedly “deeply puzzled” by the steady...
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