Tyler James - Page 21

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OPINION: If Property Isn’t Being Destroyed, Is It Even a Peaceful Protest?

Share This ArticleLook, I know we’re all supposed to be “maturing” as a city or “de-escalating tactics” or whatever Mayor-Of-The-Month is tweeting...

Portland Storefronts Debut Floral Plywood Collection Just in Time for Riot Season

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — As summer 2025 looms and the city braces for another round of protests, drum circles, and Instagram...

First American Pope Wears Cowboy Hat

Share This ArticleVATICAN CITY — In a historic and deeply confusing moment for the Catholic Church, newly appointed Pope Robert I —...

India-Pakistan Conflict Accidently Solves America’s Spam Call Epidemic

Share This ArticleWASHINGTON, D.C. — As tensions between India and Pakistan escalated into open conflict this week, something miraculous happened in the...

Pacific Power: “We Understand You’re Struggling—That’s Why We’re Raising Rates Again”

Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a heartfelt press release delivered with the emotional depth of a dropped toaster, Pacific Power announced...

Missing Eugene Cat Allegedly Just Blazed Out of His Mind at the Neighbors’ Place

Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — A frantic search for a local feline came to a mellow conclusion Thursday afternoon after “Mittens,” a...

Officials Seek Public’s Help After Elephant Seal Pup Brutally Stabbed on Oregon Coast

Share This ArticleIn a disturbing and heartbreaking incident, a young elephant seal pup was found stabbed multiple times on the beach in...

Trump to Reopen Toys “R” Us as Maximum Security Prison for “Really Bad Kids”

Share This ArticleBEDMINSTER, NJ — In a bold move to “bring back law, order, and Geoffrey the Giraffe,” former President Donald Trump...

This Oregon Coast Beach Was Ranked the Best Spot to Watch a Seagull Steal a Burrito From a Toddler

Share This ArticleCANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs,...

Bend Man Completes Full Conversation Without Mentioning He Mountain Bikes

Share This ArticleBEND, OR — In what experts are calling a “statistical anomaly” and “spiritual awakening,” local resident Tyler Hensley reportedly completed...

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