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Twelve Men Stabbed at Oregon Shelter with Five Hospitalized in Critical Condition

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Share This ArticleSALEM, Ore. — In yet another tragic reminder of Oregon’s growing public safety crisis, twelve men were stabbed at a...

Antifa Protester Grounded After Mom Finds Out He Skipped Chores for Riot Again

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in the Thompson household Wednesday evening when 19-year-old Antifa member Brayden Thompson was once again...

Local Raccoon Escapes Oregon Zoo, Found Days Later Smoking Meth Behind Dollar Tree

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Share This ArticleBANDON, OR — In what authorities are calling “the least surprising twist in an already shocking investigation,” a raccoon that...

Driver Pulled Over for Texting by Officer Actively Navigating Five Screens and a Taco Bell App

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Share This ArticleSPRINGFIELD, OR — A local woman was issued a citation for texting and driving Tuesday afternoon by a police officer...

Northwesterners Eagerly Await That First Deep Breath of Campfire-Flavored Air

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Share This ArticleEVERYWHERE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST — As summer inches closer and the scent of dry pine needles crisps in the warming breeze,...

Butte Creek Fire Marks Oregon’s First Major Wildfire of 2025 as State Braces for Scorching Summer

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Share This ArticleWHEELER COUNTY, Ore. — The Butte Creek Fire has become Oregon’s first major wildfire of the 2025 season, erupting Sunday...

Extreme Centrist Portlander Avoids Detection After Perfecting Blank Stare During Political Rants

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a city where expressing even the slightest nuance can result in immediate social exile, local man...

Americans Discover WNBA Still Exists While Pretending They’ve Always Cared About WNBA

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Share This ArticleIn a truly heartwarming display of performative activism, Americans everywhere have suddenly discovered the WNBA is still a thing—and are...

Florence Erects Statue of Exploding Whale, Immediately Blows It Up for Historical Accuracy

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Share This ArticleFlorence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized...

Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all...
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