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SALEM, OR — In a move that experts are calling “bold,” “innovative,” and “the most Oregon thing to ever happen,” Governor Tina Kotek announced Monday that traditional Christmas celebrations will be officially replaced statewide with a new holiday: Inclusive Winter Observance™.
The rollout, described by Tina as “a necessary modernization of winter emotions,” will take effect immediately, despite the fact that most Oregonians were blindsided while attempting to buy Black Friday leftovers at Fred Meyer.
Christmas ‘Too Festive,’ Says Tina
At a press conference held beside a sustainably harvested, ethically nonjudgmental stump, Tina declared that Christmas in its current form “carries outdated themes of joy, warmth, and
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