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UNITED STATES — In a stunning revelation that rocked suburban malls across America, thousands of teens born after 2005 were reportedly shocked to discover that Nirvana is not, in fact, a clothing brand exclusively sold at Hot Topic.
“I just thought it was like Vans or Thrasher or something,” said 16-year-old Kayla Martinez, adjusting her distressed Nirvana hoodie while sipping a pink Starbucks drink. “I didn’t know it was like…a real band? With songs? That’s so vintage.”
The confusion came to a head after Spotify’s algorithm randomly played “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” prompting a wave of TikTok searches for “Nirvana band??” and “Kurt Cobain was a person?”
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