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CANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs, Cannon Beach has officially been ranked the most scenic location to witness a seagull violently rob a child of a full-size burrito in broad daylight.
The incident that inspired the ranking was caught on camera Tuesday afternoon, when 2-year-old Brody Jensen was enjoying a peaceful moment near Haystack Rock, clutching a foil-wrapped burrito roughly the size of his own femur, when a seagull descended from the sky like a feathered demon of hunger and rage.
“It was like a scene out of National Geographic meets Grand Theft
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