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GRANTS PASS, OR — In today’s chaotic world of sugar crashes, artificial additives, and PTO meetings that never end, one Oregon mother says she’s found the perfect solution: meth.
Specifically, Mountain Meth — a bold new energy drink that skips the synthetic sweeteners, avoids caffeine entirely, and goes straight for the high-octane stimulant every frazzled parent really needs.
“I’ve been trying to cut back on caffeine—it’s just so addictive,” said Heather Jennings, 34, while deep-cleaning her entire house at 3 a.m. and retiling the bathroom with a toothbrush. “When I saw Mountain Meth was 100% caffeine-free, I knew it was the healthy choice.”
Billed as a “gluten-free,
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