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TUALATIN, OR — In a shocking display of emotional choreography and predetermined self-loathing, 34-year-old Heather Cline asked her boyfriend for the 497th time if her jeans made her look fat, despite having already rendered a silent, irrevocable verdict of “yes” the moment she buttoned them.
“I just wanted to see what he would say,” said Cline, staring directly into the mirror as if waiting for it to issue a formal apology. “Obviously they make me look like a bloated water balloon filled with despair, but I needed his input so I could ignore it.”
Cline, who had reportedly tried on three different pairs of jeans before settling
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