Portland - Page 14

Justice Served: Eugene Clerk Shoots Armed Thug—Now the Robber’s Headed Straight to Prison

Portland
Share This ArticleEUGENE, Ore. – In a moment that reaffirms our faith in good people standing their ground, justice has officially...

Camel Euthanized, Starving Lion Exposed as Oregon’s Worst Roadside Zoo Finally Gets Raided

Portland
Share This ArticleLet’s stop sugarcoating this. The West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon, Oregon, is not a zoo — it’s...

New Final Destination In Theaters, but 90s Kids Still White-Knuckling Steering Wheels Behind Logging Trucks Say “Absolutely Not”

Portland
Share This ArticleBend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a...

Dad Knows It’s Time to Let Go, Yet Folds the Boxers and Gently Returns Them to the Drawer

Portland
Share This ArticleBoring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless...

Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

Portland
Share This ArticleSWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife,...

People You Regret Voting For Hold Emergency Session to Dream Up Taxes That Don’t Exist Yet but Probably Should

Portland
Share This ArticleIn a move that perfectly embodies everything you feared after the election but told yourself to “wait and see,”...

Bigfoot Joins Tinder, Women Ditch Their Men After Reading: ‘I Chop Wood and Disappear Like Your Dad’

Portland
Share This ArticleHOOD RIVER, OR — In what experts are calling the most emotionally devastating swipe in Oregon history, Bigfoot has...

New Club “Granny Grinders” Opens in Oregon With 65+ Dancers, Bingo, and Zero Teeth Required

Portland
Share This ArticleSpringfield, OR — Residents were once again left clutching their pearls this week after hearing rumors about yet another...

Goodwill Boutique Staff Confused Why Poor People Keep Trying to Shop There

Portland
Share This ArticleNEWPORT, OR — Staff at the Goodwill Boutique on Cape & Donation Center are reportedly “deeply puzzled” by the...

Authorities Raid West Coast Game Park Safari in Bandon Over Suspected Animal Abuse

Portland
Share This ArticleBANDON, Ore. — The long-troubled West Coast Game Park Safari was raided Thursday morning by Oregon State Police in...

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